Dead Body
by PenCorp
Summary: You know, Kakashi found it kind of weird that Iruka, of all people, would be dragging away a dead body in the middle of the night. KakaIru. Oneshot, maybe.


1_Dead Body _- 1180

"You just had to weigh a fuckin' metric ton, didn't you?"

Now, Kakashi wasn't the sort of guy unused to hearing strange things from other people (usually they pertained to him or the odd mechanics of his job - he mostly ignored the civilians) but was forced to admit his curiosity when he'd seen no person around to take credit in the first place. To say the least, he was a little freaked out by bodiless voices, and being just a hairline from insanity anyway, well, one could guess the amount of fear this probably instilled. Like, had he finally killed the one that made him snap? Was he going to have to check into the Kohona psych ward for mentally unstable nin (which was really bad, considering chicks like Anko)?

Did he maybe just drink some bad milk?

Frankly, Kakashi hoped it was the latter, because he didn't want to be a drooling vegetable for the rest of his life. Despite the infamy of a Hidden Village they had terrible health insurance (who'd want to cover people that might be dead tomorrow?) and it was usually up to the surviving kin to provide care - and as was bluntly obvious, he had none.

_Maa, now I've gone and depressed myself,_ he mused with a snort, turning to examine the shadowed alcoves and alleys of Kohona's main strip. It was midnight and he'd just been strolling home from a mission, (some guy, some scroll, somewhere - Kakashi didn't particularly remember the details) nose firmly jammed in book.

He wondered now if he should just keep going and pretend he'd never heard -

"Fuck! Lardass, prick."

Another slew of rather inventive swears followed and Kakashi sighed, knowing he couldn't in good conscience leave the bodiless voice to it's work. Sounded like a mugging anyway - and no matter what, he didn't condone ninja (or anyone else for that matter) robbing someone possibly weaker than themselves. It was, you know, not good for village morale or reputation, or something.

Kakashi wasn't entirely sure he wasn't doing this out of boredom.

So, being such a super awesome genius, he quickly tracked down the source of all the swearing and loud grumbles, blending into the shadows once he did - and as Kakashi watched, he couldn't help strangling a laugh.

Some little Chunin was tugging irritably on a huge body (which by the looks of it had been dead for the last twenty minutes) and it was no ordinary Chunin, but that same guy Kakashi totally one-upped at the exams. He looked exhausted if the red face and weakening pulls meant anything.

Then Kakashi cocked an eyebrow as the chunin suddenly went still, (as in ninja still, which is different than non-ninja still) and lifted his dark eyes from the body to the open end of the alleyway. The man got a petulant look on his face that vaguely reminded him of his most hyperactive student.

_Hmm, must be where Naruto gets The Stupid from._

"You know, it would be considered common courtesy to help instead of just standing there like a boob."

_Boob?_ Kakashi thought irritably, huffing as he moved out into the glare of a back door light. He was slightly appeased at the wary look which crossed the other man's features upon revealing himself, but still felt kind of offended. _Boob indeed_, he snorted.

"Oh Christ not you. Never mind, go back to silently watching me - or better yet, go practice your voyeurism somewhere else. I'm busy."

Blinking, Kakashi idly clucked his tongue. "As I can plainly see. What? The guy ask for a show and you gave him _too _much of one?" his eyes flicked meaningfully to the bared skin beneath the broken clasps of the other's uniform, and to the mop of brown hair that had been freed from it's customary ponytail. If Kakashi had been in more of a charitable mood he might've offered a couple compliments. After all, he wasn't a complete block of ice and the guy was pretty in an unconventional way - but this however, was beside the point, as Kakashi had made the instant and bratty decision not to like him.

_So there._

Perhaps, it wouldn't have been so hard to keep to that decision if the guy hadn't just blushed so cutely at the implication. Kakashi shifted uncomfortably.

"Asshole! I'm not a man-whore!"

Caught off guard, the Jounin backed up a step and held up his hands in an effort to ward off the other's anger (and perhaps a perverted fantasy or two - hey, he wasn't the one who said 'man whore'). He tried to smile in a disarming way, but only succeeded in making his eye curve. _Great_, he thought sourly, _how you do your name justice with a classic pervert-kakashi look, moron. _

"Damn your uptight. I never said anything about you being a man-whore..." Kakashi felt the swinging arm of his own terrible character rushing forth to beat the crap out of him, "But, you know, if you ever have any aspirations to become one, I'm always free for a critiquing session. I'm very well versed in the whoring arts."

There was a dead silence in the alley for all of ten seconds.

"No words. There are no words to describe how deeply angered I am at this moment. Please leave before I do something I'll regret."

_Fuuuccckkk_, Kakashi thought pitifully, the little Chunin just had to go and set him up for a double whammy. He couldn't help cringing a little at what his piss-poor social skills were unable to sensor leaving his lips, "Like man whore me senseless?"

_Yeah, that did it._

Kakashi watched in well concealed horror as the other man abruptly released the body, and with short robotic movements, retied his hair. It was like watching an animal pace his cell, just waiting for the moment you get close enough to reach out and eviscerate. He mused sadly how he'd only been walking home for a meal and some hard earned rest.

Ah, and how he _despaired _over his non-existent social skills. Had he any, they might've saved him from a tussle with a cute Chunin.

Kakashi blinked._ Waitaminute, that doesn't make sense..._

"Hey, are we gonna fight now? Cause if we are, you know my place isn't too far from here and maybe it would be more comfortable -"

"Is your brain permanently attached to your dick? You dick!"

"Hey, I'm not a dick!"

Iruka decided he didn't care if the guy could top him in three moves, _Kakashi-san's _body would be right there beside the other one.

A/N - this was really a terrible drabble I couldn't figure out how to finish, but it amused me, so I decided to post it. I know it stinks so don't remind me, but review if you feel so inspired. I think I might just finish it sometime in the future in a much more interesting way - and maybe explain why Iruka's dragging away a dead body.

Yeah, it's something that's kind of bothering me too.

Ha ha.


End file.
